We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize
