I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
