This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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