Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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