if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dear god my vagina.
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