Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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