If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
