Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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