So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
