She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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