Duck Duck Cougar?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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