I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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