You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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