i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
