he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
