Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
