I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
