what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
