Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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