I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize