you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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