I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
