Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize