i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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