so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i think my cat just said my name.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
