Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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