I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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