Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
