And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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