I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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