summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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