If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
