im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
