Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
