im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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