I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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