My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
