Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
