i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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