Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize