They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
