The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I met the friendliest cop last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
