hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
