when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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