someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
