i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
