New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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