I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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