sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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