You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize