i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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