What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
