its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
