you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
