Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im six kinds of drunk right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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