She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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