i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
