just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
