the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
