What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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