honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
