I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
