Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize