I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
