no. you can't hotbox the world.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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