This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
