By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
