Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
