carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
