If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
