ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When are your genitals available?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
