My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
