Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
