how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
