So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
