I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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