K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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