He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
