It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
