I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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