life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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