So drunk its hurt
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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