I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I deserve this hangover.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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