he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I could fuck to npr.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
