Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
