I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
