well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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