Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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