U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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