im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
