just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
