I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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