I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
