no, he came in my armpit
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize