he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
