so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
