We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
