Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
